My first meditation retreat

My day began as busy as ever at 7.15am in a frantic rush to the the children ready for school. Get clothes ready get teeth brushed. Get the breakfast ready who wants this who wants that no you cant have 4 bowls. I rushed around looking for coats, school bags, toothbrushes, shoes. Damn where is the hair brush - I must remember to leave it one spot. 1,2,3,4 minutes looking for the brush. Time running out pressure increasing I must be out the door at 8.30am gives me 10 minutes to load car super quick tidy and dont forget to feed the fish. drive to school 10 minutes unload car walk the 4 to the class and drop of the eldest whose 5. return to car load up and off to pre school drop of the twins back in the car pressure significantly reduces now to drop the youngest to her grandparents. I can finally see the retreat through the fog of life. Half an hour later I am driving to the airport to travel and attend my first retreat ever. Feeling of excitement, nervousness, enthusiasm, fear all jumbled together that resulted in a feeling of quite optimism. The journey to the Amaravati Temple was uneventful. Everything went to clockwork. No rushing. Little waiting. I actually felt like I was going on holiday but I don't know maybe not quite the same.

And then I arrived payed my taxi fare wished the driver a good day and here I was. It all seemed very real now. I looked at my watch and it showed 3pm registration not till 4. So I looked around not sure where I could go or not I soon rested in the square and decided to begin as I meant to continue and did some mindfulness breathing. 90 minutes passed and I knew I couldn't be in the right place as there was no one else around only the occasional monk walking past with intention. I decided it was time to enter the main kitchen to enquire. I was soon directed to a different kitchen adjacent to the temple. Oh just a small hiccup, now to register. So I entered the kitchen and was met by friendly faces who guided me through the registration process which was simple and straightforward. I got a cup of tea and sat across from another young man who was attending his first retreat also. We were feeling the same excitement, nervousness and it was nice to connect with someone in a very similar circumstance. We were feeding each other information of what to expect from knowledge neither of us really had. It made it all that bit more exciting.

Following retreat instructions and evening lunch it was now 7pm and we were directed to the dorm. Found a bed and un-pact. At 7.30pm we were to attend the hall for opening meditation. This included a introduction and we did meditation. Soon I was lying in bed at 9.35pm waiting for lights out at 10 and at 10 on the button they went out out. Not a great start - during meditation my mind just kept wandering off and off and off and each time non judgmently I brought it back and back. But this was tiring and the cushion just was not comfortable, I'll have to look at that tomorrow. I slept well woke on 3 occasions adjusted the sleeping bag and went back to sleep.

Day 2: The morning chime rang and I instantly rose up much like when the alarm goes off at home. Had a very quick wash a went straight to the meditation room. Wow was it hard to meditate my mind just kept wandering again. I just kept bringing my attention back to my breathing over and over. I was relieved to hear the chime to indicate the end of sitting meditation. Very subtly I was disappointed of this because to welcome the end means it was not a good session despite trying to be non judgmental about it. We proceeded to breakfast and I sat across from Tom who I met when I first arrived. We acknowledged each other and proceeded to having a silent breakfast. Strange considering its the first breakfast I've ever had in silence but it was comfortable in the sense that you could not talk. There was no effort to have to try. So I just sat and slowly ate breakfast followed by tea and occasionally looked about at the happenings. Following breakfast back to the shrine room for meditation and again the mind drifted again and again a little bit better this time. I was happy when walking meditation began.

I felt more alert now and slowly mindfully began to explore the area following the paths, the buildings shying away from areas where there were distracting sounds of talking or cars. I found the Buddha's garden where there was a small shrine and a few trees with little paths developed between the trees from walking meditators. I followed one of this paths and did walking meditation. Very slowly feeling the pressure of me feet the legs feeling the breeze across my face looking at the various colours of green hearing the chirping of birds the planes passing over the occasional thought intruding wanting to comment on the experience refocusing on the breathing. Yes as the day went on between periods of sitting meditation and walking meditation I could feel myself becoming immersed. There was no where to go there was no goal. I was just here so I focused on being here and everything that I could sense. When the sitting meditation ended I would slowly get up. mindfully walk out. Doing every movement slowly and carefully. Looking at the richness of life the beauty of life. That evening for tea we were given 1 piece of cheese and a piece of chocolate and I sat there contemplating and relaxing with this food. Conscious to savour the moment. Followed by a beautiful mug of tea I realized that I was emmercing into a meditative state. The day ended quickly and at 10pm the lights went out. Funny but I had an awful headache and I was baffled from how. I wondered if my brain was withdrawing from a busy life.

Day 3: The chime sounded at 5.30am I awoke and naturally without thinking knew that I would quickly freshen up and go to the shrine room. I did everything so slowly conscious of every step - mindful. I adjusted the cushions carefully and with purpose to ensure comfort and meditated. gently bringing my attention to my breathing. when a period of sitting meditation ended I slowly deliberately and mindfully stood up and commenced walking meditation for the next period. Following the chime I slowly went to the kitchen for breakfast. I waited for everyone to get there and then slowly got mine. I ate in complete mindfulness. Conscious of the bowl, spoon the sound the feeling of the spoon the feeling of my hand arm and body the sound of the spoon as I placed it into the bowl. I was conscious of the sound as I ate the taste. Everything was done with deliberate attention. Thoughts were quieter now. We engaged in more sitting meditation and more walking meditation. It was beautiful. I was going nowhere. I was just mindfully aware of all sensations and content. Everything seemed so much richer. Following the final period of sitting meditation we were informed that we could break silence for lunch and silently we all went towards the kitchen. As we sat I wasn't quite sure that I wished to break the silence.

I could continue like this for the day. But now it was time to end the silence and gently I began conversing with my neighbour at the table. Even though we could continue the silence after lunch I knew that it was finished for me. I had about an hour to the final sitting meditation and wanted to get some photos, pack my stuff and get some books. All off which required intention that pulled me out of any attempt to continue in mindful practice. As I collected some books I noticed activity in the main kitchen where there was also a large area with lots of people gathered. There were monks all lined up with people pouring water over there hands. I asked someone what was happening. He told me that they were celebrating the Buddhist new year. A part of the ceremony was for people to pour the water with petals over the monk's hands. Of course I had to partake. Yes it was a nice way to end the weekend. Following a final sitting meditation session the retreat was now over. I said a few farewells thanked a number of people and set off home. The time was 4.30pm and I reached my home at 11.30pm. That 6 hours was waht felt like the shortest trip ever. It could have being 24 hrs and I would not have minded one bit.

Day4: At home now the alarm clock rang out and I was up in a flash. Pressure on again to get all ready for school. I'm back in the fog of life, with the foot full down on the accelerator. Perfect. Yes I must start planning for the next retreat. It was good to have one under the belt. I'll know exactly what to do in the next one.